I was also struck by the same words of Chin that Elisa discussed in recent blog, but in a slightly different way. It is true that his words can be interpreted as jaded and a sense of surrender and hopelessness -

"I have no idea what it is to be gay or queer anymore; nor do I care. I am so over being queer, and I don't care what I call myself or what anyone else calls me; its all a matter of convenience these days."

"I've given up the dream of the Queer Nation. Race, class, gender, ideologies, and values will always divide us. It is ludicrous to think that since we share a common passion, we should all want the same things out of this life"

- However, the part that struck me the most were his words after. He goes on to say -

"I believe in being unapologetic for my desires. All I know is when I wake in the night to find my lover's body next to mine, no history ... can make me feel any less than brilliant in his arms."

For me, I felt that this resonated what Chin had learned was truly important and what ultimately drove him. I might be reading into this too much, but I feel that in the beginning, when Chin started out as a vocal activist and poet, his drive was to reach an ideal worth speaking out and fighting for. The Queer nation was his ambition and source for creative passion. Over the years, after experiencing the realities of pursuing this ideal, Chin has found something closer and more tangible to hold onto and ground himself in. For him, that source is his lover and he is unapologetic for his desires. I guess that last part is what really gripped me. Yes, maybe he personally has moved on and away from the Queer nation as a forerunner activist poet, but his perpective still echoes that sentiment in that he is "unapologetic for [his] desires." I keep harping on that phrase because I feel that that was the point I ultimately took from him. Whether he was starting out fresh and idealistic or jaded and tired, what made him an activist in my eyes was his belief in being unapologetic for his desires.

Also, he might have given up the dream of a Queer nation, but I feel that he has realized the realities of the ideal dream - "It is ludicrous to think that since we share a common passion, we should all want the same things out of this life." I feel that sometimes we get caught up in our ideals and in the righteousness of our dreams and not realize that people could go on living without hearing what we have to say, This is not to say that we should stop our workshops, discussion forums and activism, but to find your foundation not in these ideals but something closer and more tangible to you. In the though, he does say that the ideals might be compromised and surrendered but those fighting for these ideals will always be around.

"Beyond ourselves, there will always be those that wish for nothing more than to see us dead: They have been wishing and acting on it for centuries, but we are not vanishing."